yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.