i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
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HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
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I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing