Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I fill condoms, not promises.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.