I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker