Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?