True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk