my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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