I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
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Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
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Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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