There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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