im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.