I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset