I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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