Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
