I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
