That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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