I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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