I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
