Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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