I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
