Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The beer is more important than you right now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
