i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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