I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.