I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
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We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
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which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.