I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
