Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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