Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
