speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
