Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
high people should be assigned attendants
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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