they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
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For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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