respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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