I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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