Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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