fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
