I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We got so high we made milksteak
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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