shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
3pm strippers are depressing
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?