I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night