Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?