Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me