Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner