The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
