Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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