honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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