I just pynch a tree in the face
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize