Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
