my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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