where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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