Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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