I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
