Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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