Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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