I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
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He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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