I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
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So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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