was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
