Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The air taste purple.
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