You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize