i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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