I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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