sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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