She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.